My rolemodel or my rival?

My rolemodel or my rival?
you devised me such a way.
So imperious yet so caring,
but you the reason why i breathe today.

Such decency, such selfishness,
but only for my impending lifestyle.

Every lecture every wound,
yet it would still be worth that tormentful while.
But somehow i feel ruined by you,
although it isn't that way.

But one thing im certain for sure,
is that impressionism you want from me will come some day.
But not it will not stay,
for i a who i am born and felt to be,
living life the way i wish it to be.

You'll know i'll always love you,
even thought i do not reveal.
Cause i know you just want the best for me,
that love from you i feel.

But sometimes i try to tell you,
how i feel about the past.
I find it difficult to even bring up,
cause my hiding tears will fall down fast.

The only reason i want out,
is cause it clears up all my past.
I have fun dance around,
It flies out of my mind fast.

But just the littliest things that you may or may not mention,
the shameful past before.
The more you keep me locked in the house,
The tormentful memories just build up more.